Just an observer

Hello friends, it's been a long time. I had been busy lately and also my other interests come in the way too.
So, I couldn't write any blogs lately,

I have recently joined PG course in Microbiology in theMedical college where I had done my UG, so all the paper works, counselling, resignation from my previous post of being a Medical officer in a Govt. Hospital, took a lot of time.

So, after all these hectic days, freeing my mind to think and write something was little difficult too. Anyway, let me start with a simple one today :)




I am a observer,
Just an observer after all....


Silent, transparent, standing,
from the world afar,
the moving universe,
the travelling time,
like a wind passing by,
or like a river flow,
and I being stranded.....
on the shore !!



They come and go,
some moments to spare,
somethings to share,
then moving away....
searching for their ways !

We laughed and talked,
and the silence followed,
being in touch as we say,
with hopes of coming days....
but, our lives on separate bays !

Days passed as new one came,
forgetting the past,eyes for the future,
new things to be remembered,
just the thoughts in our heart,
left behind on the memory lane !!

An observer that I became,
not to experience,
but to visualize,
from afar emotionless,
in those crowded ones !!


My feelings...my reality,
all within....deep inside,
not to speak, nor share,
not to be involved nor care,
just passing the moments I have.

Everything is on the surface,
like the sand on the seashore,
that the waves washing away...
leaving behind an empty floor,
creating new paths and write again !!!

The unease

The unease... a panic,
a turmoil within,
I am confused, I feared !

Questions coming in,
unsure of my life,
my presence...existence itself.

I asked myself,
reasons, answers,
doubts that encircles.

To know the unknown,
seek the forbidden,
just to explore the infinite.

I am enclosed,
covered by my rules,
ideologies and principles.

But the impulse,
or my inner instincts,
to listen...or to ignore?

family, friends society,
customs and traditions,
to respect and to follow.

But to want change,
inhale some fresh air,
to feel a new breeze.......

To know more,
to understand more,
receive what the world could give.

Am I selfish or being naive,
the struggles and uncertainties,
running away from foundation.

I do seek harmony,
to have a balance,
in every phase of my life....

unsure,
still with hope,
a faith in unknown.

honest with self...
carry with my feelings,
in light and darkness,
living without regrets !

To be optimistic..as I search,
what new treasure being hidden,
waiting in life...to be unfold.

Should I remain ignorant,
or thrive to know more,
to remain happy with myself,
residing in my small world,
or bring this unease inside,
as I see more.....beyond the horizon.

May be it vanish,
or grow out to something more,
then.....will there be someone,
to calm this troubled mind,
to bring comfort and ease...
in heart and soul !! 

Another world...another time.

Another world, 
another time,
another place,
another me.......

wake up in a dream,
or another reality,
me, people, nature,
embracing them all together.....

innocence, understanding, 
love and care,
joy and the happiness,
pain with overflowing tears.....

the stages of life,
living it all...
feelings, emotions,
to savor the best of life.

In situations, circumstances,
with characters and personalities, 
my wishes and hopes,
and struggles in reality.....

the moving clouds,
and the lush greenery,
along with valley and forests,
also the vast expanses of sea....

animals in the nature
the bird flying in sky,
or the small creatures,
present on the ground,

the flower beds,
the river and the lakes,
throwing the pebbles,
or searching of sea shells.

childhood memories,
hideouts in abandoned lots,
adventures,action imitations,
excitement of making new friends

with family and friends,
picnic and get together,
festivals or camping out,
or having fun together,

the cute things,
and the sweet ones,
the beautiful beings,
within this fantasy world of mine...

Be it rain, heat or snow,
I move with the flow...
to live in present,
cherishing the moments,
not making any mistakes,
or have guilt and regrets....

A reality far from real,
yearning with a warm heart,
with music and song from soul,
me, in this serene landscape....

peace and satisfaction,
with me and friends,
passion of young love,
living in harmony......

from nothing to everything,
observing, experiencing, understanding,
nothing to rush, taking my time,
without stress or worries,
watching them all,
world revolving around me,
a different life,
a different reality,

Another world.....another time !!

The bonds

It’s been a while,

I was beginning to forget..

the time spent, moment’s shared,

I was young, so naive,

innocent thoughts with pure heart,

living for present, no worries ever,

But then I grew,

compete and struggles,

created goal to be achieved,

my dream and desires taken over,

as I went on my path..

I forgot the past, places changed,

new acquaintances, new people,

only together for common interests,

we met and talk but rarely so,

the mind was not there for long,

giving excuses for avoidance,

we parted away to seek the heart

gone the friends, being at home,

waited alone as I sat,

as I recalled the days of past.

The carefree days, devoid of worries

going with the innate desires,

book to read, games to play,

some adventures within ourselves,

I remembered them all,

As I pondered,

The bonds that I shared….

True bonds, difficult to form,

the one that lasts lifelong,

someone to cheer you up,

encourage you in the life,

to scold you for your faults,

fights for petty reasons,

yet accepts you as you are,

to assure at time of trouble,

join in the happy times.

to make you laugh,

wash away the tears,

small advice, or just gestures,

loosen you a bit, to be at ease,

to take the journey together,

or just be in touch....

All of it for that bond,

without hidden motives,

any sympathy or pity,

bond engraved….on pure heart.

it's not too far, time will come,

to be with near and dear,

enjoy company and spend good times,

as I walk in this path of life,

those days were gone,

but I am still young,

till then………I am waiting all alone. 

Stories..

Hello friend, 
Have been a little down these days, and using my free time to watch some Anime manga series and reading other stories.
So, rather than being writing, I have been using my time to enjoy other's. It's fun actually, the way we take time to see stories around the world, their way of thinking, culture, imagination. So, you can say, I am out of ideas these days. :)

Anyway, there are things which you can't express until one didn't experience it ....so, trying to fill that quota now. A small one for today...

I have been watching,
still landscapes, open spaces,
the flowing river, standing trees,
and the people from various places...

Stories they share,
or the bond in between,
working for their living,
joy or the sorrow within.

I felt their feelings,
live the moments too...
emotions that they conveyed,
influenced in my thoughts too...

I heard their voices,
different in their ways,
but the basic being similar,
each have the same say.

I smiled in their pleasure,
saddened by their despair,
immersed in world of illusion,
as the story unfolds....

Thus, I sign off,
back to watching, be it so,
stories are being incomplete,
still more to go !! 

Just me...as it is

Hello friends....It's been a while, that I have written some blogs here. Had my entrance exam going on and preparation was taking it's toll...and these competitive environment just take away the pleasure of writing for expression of my thought...to expand my imagination in writing space !! 

Still....just a new one , a bit of feeling coming out....here it goes,


I tried to be happy and lively,
to be sad and gloomy too..
be with friends and share,
or just be reserved within.

to look around and observe,
see what the world had got,
watch as I move forward,
feeling the life as I go.

to be unsure,
dream for my future..
or looking towards my past,
for some memory to solace.

Did I brood too much ?
or wish the unreachable,
to avoid the responsibilities,
and be living in my dream world !!

Being influenced by stories,
or make some in my imagination,
a delusion to begin with...
disappointment as a wholesome.

I haven't asked much,
but refused to stand back,
to try as much I do,
and seek for what I desire.

Yes...confused I am,
so are my aspirations,
dreams to be fulfilled,
life to care for......

are these detachments,
or envious of not having,
bit of philosophy and spirituality too.. 
all being a part of me.

I don't know where I belong,
I don't want much to it either,
just some peace and happiness,
friends and family to be with...
.
...
..... 
or just me as it is !!

Thoda ruk jaun

Thoda ruk jaun, 
thoda thehar jaun,
abhi bahut kaam baki hai,
na dekhu idhar,
na dekhu udhar,
meri to rah aage hai !

chahte to bahut hai,
aur doston ka saath,
kuch masti, kuch shauk,
jeene the woh pal bhi,

samaye ka mahatva,
lakshya ki chinta,
hua to mein bhi,
in karya mein magan !!

haan maine bhi dekhe swapan,
jisme bhavisya ki thi jhalak,
aur chalta chala mein yunhi,
apni inhi raho mein....
kebal ek hi tha chintan,
pana tha us laksya ko,
aur paya bhi usko aise,
khusi payi kuch pal ki....

par chalte chalte ab,
hua bahut dur mein,
woh lamhe jeene the jo,
bhul gaya mein usse,
mauke bhi aaye,
kuch prayas hamare bhi,
ichhayen jo thi bhitar,
par sahas na kar saka !!

Thoda ruk jata,
thoda thehar jata,
uss mausam ko bhi jee leta,
daudta hi raha,
chalta hi raha,
aur samaya yun beet gaya. 

Jo gaya so gaya,
bas kuch yadein baki hai,
tuti hui, sehmi hui,
kuch aas baki hai....
aage aa chuka hun mein,
woh pal na lautenge,
bas jo ab hai mera.....
Ussi mein jeena hai, 
haste hue chalte rehna hai. :)

A new route

A new route, 
on the road,
one side river,
other side rock....
On a cloudy day,
soft stray drizzle....
with cold weather,
in a shadowing sun.

Inspired I drive by,
tickle that I felt,
of strong winds from river,
or swaying shrubs on the rock!

I watched with awe,
the diving birds...
vanishing briefly and rising,
taking their prize away.
The rustling of branches,
with the falling leaves,
short appearances of wild beings....
squirrel, lizards and mongoose. 

The rock side on my left,
full of nature beauty,
large blocks hanging down,
with vines and  greenery.
some were flat...
others are too high,
climbing and adventure,
and places to relax too !!

Moving on I found,
few thatched huts,
an old man on roadside,
selling the morning catch.
surrounded by kids,
he gazed with hopeful eyes...
for prospective customers,
for fresh fishes to buy. 

hovering dragonflies,
crossing of butterflies
from both sides,
coming near within my hold,
racing along with me,
tried to catch but being alert,
they got flickering away....to their world.

serpentine roads,
with turns and turns,
tree plantation both side,
bamboo, cashew or jungle trees.
new leaves from bamboo shoot,
or the dense cover of cashew trees.....
sweet aroma of wild flowers,
beautiful colors for visual treats!!

I watched them, 
slowed down to see more,
rocks, river as nature treasure
away from city shores!!

If I was true

If I was true,
honest to my heart,
seeking goodness of others,
and some comfort to self,
being happy and safe.....
If I was true,
fulfill the duties of life,
restrain over the impulses,
patience and self-control,
being responsible to family....
If I was true,
avoiding the bad habits,
being simple and quiet,
not be wasteful or lavish,
saving more than I spend....

If all this being true,
for security of my dreams,
of future, distant it may seems...
Then why I do worry,
asking myself to hurry,
moments that passes....
the chance that I missed !

Is it envy, or despair,
of a life that I care.......
Is it guilt of evil thoughts,
or the grief of time that lost.

If I was true, 
then why I want change,
to keep up the hope,
bringing the happy days.......
a need to introspect,
taking up my choices,
to identity my flaws,
working on my weaknesses !

If I was true,
I will get what I want,
but there are doubts...
when I write these lines wishing,
.
..
...

If only, I was true !!

Desh ke dushman

Sab dekhte hai hum,

par kuch bol nahi sakte,

Sab jante hai hum,

par kuch kar nahi sakte......

Are jinki haath mein hai dor,

jab woh hi usse katate phire,

tab kis ummed mein rahe....

kaun desh ko bacha sake??

Yahan har gora hai kala,

har sachai hai jhoothi,

jisne jalayi hai diye ko,

wahi bujha jata hai usko!!

Asha aur nirasha ab,

iss desh ka pehlu ho chuka ....

desh pe marne bale hue kam,

bas desh lutne balon ka hua bhala.

satta aur dhan ki bhook hai aisi,

dushman  hi ab dost bana,

unko phoolon ki malayen mili,

desh ko kanton ka haar mila.......

Woh na sune to na sahi,

par hum to sab dekhte hai,

phir kyun kuch pal ke labh mein,

Desh kedushman bante hai !!

An illusion

Sometimes...I think of you,

hazy, distant, blurry outlines....

far away from the sight,

a figment of my imagination.

stretching my arm to reach,

opening my palm, fingers to touch.....

so elusive , fading in night,

an illusion, yet so real !!

Being there, smiling,

with your tender eyes,

so caring as you look,

taking on my fancy.

I never thought of,

but you have it all,

the looks, charms....

in spirit and soul.

approaching my heart,

filling it with ecstasy..

the joy and gratification,

vanquishing loneliness inside. 

The emptiness.... it kills,

reminding me of your presence,

intoxicating my mind, 

enchanting my thoughts....

speech I watched,

lived in those moments,

pursuing to your lead,

on and on it went.

What do I seek,

a moment of your company,

just an urge, an impulse....

or longing for many,

to capture your attention,

express my intentions,

not to miss my chances,

then regret for my mistake !!

Clearer and sharper,

as I came nearer...

long locks like dark clouds,

with face like shining moon.

a whisper on my ear,

soft and sweet like a song,

fragrance of flowers all around,

putting me in hypnotic trance.

But then all blank,

everything so void,

cold breeze touching my cheek,

waking up in heavy eyes.....

Had I slept, or hallucinated,

an expression of deep desire,

still a beautiful moment it was,

In this lonely cold night !!

A mystery guy Part 4

"Now, comes the part of life I lived in Dehradun...

Dehradun would have been the best time I had in my life, from my childhood to early teens. From Movies, to games, music to dance....done it all, experienced them all. And inturn learned many lessons too. School was not much of a worry, as I was always on top in studies mostly because my mom taught me. Even on cold days I had to wake up early at four and even in Razai, with drowsy eyes, I had to study, memorize. Also my hobbies of reading books went on as usual, from my school library. I also started writing poetry too, small, simple but just for fun, which become a full time poetry later. May be because I was inspired by what I read, I also tried my hands in writing stories too, not that I was much successful. 

Playing cricket was our past time in evening in most days. I had friends too..one my classmate Mahesh, he was South India,Chennai to be exact and other one a year senior to me, Satya who was from U.P and that much I knew about them. Mahesh was tall, fair smart, independent nature but was selfish and proud. He was my friend mostly because he was my neighbor but he was just the opposite character of me. He was a bullly too, and we had many fights, where he had the upper hand. I hated him for that too, but I was not the kind to keep anger forever,and the next day we would be friend again.... 

Both Mahesh and Satya have a younger brother. That make us a team during cricket matches. Our's was a group and we had a lot of adventures too, just like you read in stories. A lot of them, that I cannot even describe. Like one where we went to a vatika , flower garden full of roses. It was a nice hang out but our intentions were not that good. We went there to steal the roses hidden from the watchman view. This hide and seek itself was a great fun. 

" Manish, just keep an eye on the watchman while we check the roses, Today I would have the red and the pink ones." Satya asked me.

While I was keeping an eye, Mahesh and Satya plucked the Roses of different colors from the garden. My person favorites were the red one, still the yellow, white, pink, orange ones were also there. Colors, they were so fascinating for us boys. It was like a mission for us.

" Run, the watchman is coming." I warned panicking , while trying to hide behind a tree. 
While Mahesh hide below a small wooden bridge built on the dry canal. Satya followed him. As per their brothers, Deepak and Raju respectively, those kids were nowhere in sight. Too expert in camouflage or may be because they were just kids.

"It's all right, he is gone." Mahesh callled, looking relieved. " we must return home now, it's getting dark, we had enough now, let us hide it inside our shirt. Where's Deepak? "

"Deepak, Raju...come here !!" I shouted. Two kids came running towards us with a wide smile, they too had their catch. 

Deepak was a smaller in height though both are of same age, but both have same character, one that most kid have, Mischievous and fickle minded. And with our trophy of hard work, with all those beautiful roses, we went home, divided it between us, and gifted them to our mom, who in turn put them in the vase. {though with a minor scolding}
Stealing Roses was one of our common adventure along with stealing fruits from other's garden. It was fun. I remember an episode where we stole and hide roses from the watching in a plaster my sister had in her arm {she had broke her arm in one fall while she was playing.

There were other episodes too..a lot to share but it would take a lot of time. You might not be interested to know, 

With it, he looked at me, 

A mystery guy Part 3

Continuing the story...

"Next, my life in Dehradun but before that I want to know how was your time as a kid ? " 

My life, I was surprised ....I am in the middle of an exciting story, waiting to get more of him, his life in Dehradun. Why would I want to delay it by sharing my story here...

" I don't have much to speak of, why would you want to know? "

" Well, I am sharing you mine, wouldn't I have the privilege to know something about my savior." he smiled.

He seemed to be relaxed. It might be because he was telling about his life, living those moments, sharing them with me...that brought such welcome change in him. I was apprehensive to comply to his demands but then, to keep this short exchange of our time a bit fair , I agreed. 
" Alright, if it suits you then listen....though it would be bit boring for you." I answered.

" My name is Priya..I am here for a college picnic. I actually belong to Delhi. Most of my childhood I had spent in Delhi only. What I really remember are the times I had with my Grandpa and Grandma. They always took my sides, gave me treats, and told stories too. Mom and Dad were cool but a bit busy then. I had friends, a lot of them and we used to create havoc in our colony. Apart from studies, much of our kid days were only play and picnics. I had a best friend too....though their family left and we lost touch. Her name was Sweety....and she lived up to her name, having such a sweet nature.Let me tell you an incidence,

We had been playing at the garden one day, Sweety came with her favourate doll and asked me to play with her. You know those games we girls play in childhood, to comb hair, change dresses of doll, make stories and all. 
" My princess is the most beautiful doll in the world. look at her eyes, she looks so happy,now let mumma make your hair straight" said she, while combing her hair.

"I will change her dress, what should she wear today, the blue or the pink one? " I joined in.

" I think pink will be better, she would look like a princess in it" She answered, giving a affirmative look on the pink one and beamed.

I took the doll from her and was putting the dress on her, but someone called me from behind. I turned but accidentally shift the doll near the cactus tree...the dress tore and their were scratches on it's arm. I too got some scratches which started to bleed. When I realized what I had done, I dreaded how Sweety would react.
At first she was shocked but then she took the doll away as I expected but rather than getting angry, she comforted me.

" Oh, your hand...it's bleeding, let me take you to your mom. She will put bandage." she replied in worried tone, not even looking at her doll.

It was her that love and care that made us best friends. I had the fiery temper, easily getting angry..but she made me calm, considerate. Most of the times we spent together, played together...we made our stories, dreams shared, and she had a strong influence on me. 

I was good in studies too, I liked books, and sports too...a sort of all rounder you can say. It was till I was young, as I got older...my interests changed. That much of my story as kid....now can you proceed with your life in Dehradun? " I asked him, he seemed to be listening to me intently...his eyes which were constantly on me, making me uneasy. He stirred, as if woken from a long sleep and replied,

" Priya, indeed..you do have a nice time as kid, having loving friends, family, Grandparents...I never had a chance to make long lasting friends...Papa's frequent postings made it difficult or may be I hadn't thought about it seriously, I was easy going with most of my friends but never gave it a chance to become stronger. " He sighed.
" I haven't told you me name, have I?"

" No, I couldn't catch your name, what's your name?" I asked, surprised that it never occurred to me to ask his name.

"It's Rahul, I am from Bhubaneswar, a tourist here, same as you," He smiled and continued, 
"Now, comes the part of life I lived in Dehradun...