Dark emotions

Hello friends, just trying to write a little darker emotions, hope I get it right. Here it goes;






Its so dark,
no light at the sight,
wandering clueless, panicked,
is there a path...
or am I simply lost,
in this infinite loop?

The strength failing,
tired of all the run,
some moments of respite,
a pause, a distraction,
flaring me a little,
and then comes..deep cold sensation.

a forced smile,
disappointed heart,
an undirected anger,
 a hopeless struggle,
false sense of security,
pride of being stubborn.

slowly the time passes,
chipping away little by little,
as the scars got old,
fresh cuts keep coming up,
hiding, treating, showing off....
unsure, clueless and given up!

Still....I stand,
on my uneasy path..
looking for the flowers,
ignoring the  thorn,
by surrendering to my fate,
hoping to reach life goals.

but then, it comes back..
like the waves of sea,
all the negativity and darkness,
immersing my heart,
taking away the light,
mocking, laughing at my stage.

No.....I won't back down,
I won't fall,
will hold my ideals,
till my last breath...
still I am scared,
might call for help.


So....if you are there,
exist for real,
like an illusion of my heart.
Then come....hold me up,
catch me as I fall,
for I might not last long.

listen to my conscious and subconscious self,
all those smothered screams,
accept, appreciate and encourage me,
be there when I need..
with all my fallacy, all my sins,
am I allowed to be selfish??

Then again...should I be?
expectations hurt,
dream get broken,
being laughed and made fun of,
am I embarrassed or fear of rejection,
to get passionately involved....only to let it go??

Dehradun diaries

A journey was planned,
to meet a faraway family,
time to spend,
moments to share...

So started a trip,
from an airway strip,
and we fly,
over the clouds,
above the sky.

finally we reached,
touched the ground,
walked a little,
drove in a car....

and thus we met,
with hugs and kiss,
the travel was hard,
but nothing was amiss!

Many things to talk,
laugh and play,
to plan an outing,
to move back in time.

so, we went,
the very next day,
to our old abode,
small colony...a couple of  decade back.


Then we visited,
to pray and reminisce,
an old Buddhist temple,
flocked with Tibetan monks.

A grand place it was,
with big statues,
a magnificent temple,
Buddha in deep meditation.

It was hot summer,
our naked feet too prone,
and thus we decided,
to go to the next place.

A land of thousand streams,
a nice way to refresh,
to bath and play,
a place named Sahatsradhara.

It was as we remembered,
the same charm,
to bring us a great joy,
too bad that we couldn't stay.

Our next stoppage,
a place called Robbers cave,
with deep creek and open roof,
a cold stream of water below our feet.

It was all rocks and stones,
some big and some small,
surrounding us above and below,
intimidating and exhilarating too.

smooth stones press our feet,
as cold water dampens it,
it make us wet, moisten skin,
while the cool breeze brush our cheek.

everything was as we remembered,
but more crowded and chaotic,
losing nature, development creeping,
still some moments it does make.

we were tired and hot,
had our lunch,
a little shopping in clock towers,
and reached and fall on our bed,
too much for a single day.

we slept like a log,
with anticipation of next day,
as it was for queen of mountain,
a place named Masoorie.




Surrounded by mountains,
with lush greenness,
Tall trees, deep valley,
lot of diverse flora and fauna.

a great market,
beautiful sceneries for viewpoint,
wild fruits and hilly foods,
and a walk with family.

A lot of pictures to take,
get overwhelmed by the place,
also the serpentine road,
making us light-headed.

there were a place,
with lots of flower,
to relieve from tiredness,
so called the Company garden.

we had our break,
then the same hectic routine,
the twists and turns,
as we descend the mountain.

we saw a lake,
some exotic birds,
common monkeys,
on the mountain trail.

thus completed our second day,
tired but happy,
thanking our driver,
we entered our home.




The next day was main,
a little spiritual at heart,
to visit temples in Haridwar,
and take a holy bath.

But I was  distracted,
excited about river rafting,
as a little adventure awaits,
at a place called Rishikesh.

Tomorrow came,
the day was early,
Half awake, we got ready,
to visit Haridwar and Rishikesh.

First we went Rishikesh,
the place of adventure,
I went rafting,
while parents went sightseeing.

Rafting in river Ganga,
we planned our way,
after getting ready,
with jackets, cap and row.

The touch of the water,
it was cold and clean,
with fog covers the surrounding,
and we mounted the boat.

By invoking mother Ganga,
we started our journey,
faced bravely...turbulent waves,
also floated in calm water.

it was fun, and exciting,
filled my heart with joy,
we laughed and swam,
etching everything in memory.

in between at break point,
we had our tea and snacks,
we clicked pictures,
and talked with strangers.

so continued our rafting,
finally reached our goal,
tired and exhausted,
we returned to out vehicle.

with lunch convered,
and fully restored...
for our main destination,
drove towards Haridwar.

And ancient place,
besides bank of Ganga,
with many ghats,
flocked by young and old,

A place of reverence,
with saints and Sadhus,
people from many walk of life,
and different locations.

After the holy dip,
we went for temple visit,
residing on top of hill,
Ma Mansa and Chandi Devi.

We took the ropeway,
for we had less time,
but to wait for turn,
humidity and long queue took the toll.

still we faced the crowd,
the like-minded ones,
to pray in unison,
and have our darshan.

the ropeway was fun,
saw peacock enroute,
the trees laden with fruits,
also the deep fall below.

with all the darshan,
and doing Ganga Aarti,
a spark of spirituality,
contemplating about the religion.

Happy faces of parent,
me with silent observations,
the plethora of people,
moving around in harmony.....
within the noise and chaos!

we followed them,
walked with them,
after living those moments,
we finally returned.

In silence we drove,
with noise of bells,
chanting of verses...
playing fresh in our mind.

As we entered home,
talked about the experience,
had our dinner,
went in a deep slumber.




Next day was for rest,
need to restore our strength,
Just have a lazy day,
and prepare for early flight next day.

So it went,
my Dehradun diary,
a trip of nostalgia,
plenty of adventure,
and beautiful memories😊😊

Passing by..

Passing by,
we see others,
just a glance,
or a smile,
as we walk to our cause.

A moment of connection,
or our clumsy whims or fancy,
wondering their presence,
their life or work,
or just a simply form of attraction.

Passing by,
not much to spare,
Being busy with self,
in the life of fast pace,
returning to old life.

But then something changes,
or just some impulses,
giving some serious thoughts,
simple look or stares,
or little courage to meet...

So...brings the attachment,
forming of relations,
moving to more, solidifying,
Some words, assurances...
forming like a bond.

Passing by,
All it took...
a moment of pause,
first step to unknown...
and life goes on.😊

The Cuckoo's song

 

A cuckoo sits
on the branches
of a mango tree..
Hidden within leaves,
away from the onlookers,
and he sings.

With the same voice,
Coo coo, coo coo,
morning or evening
day or night,
repeated, intermittent,
be slow or being loud.


It waits and listen,
the sounds of faraway,
or near it's place.
Some voices of its friends,
or the competitive enemies,
seeking their maiden.

He hears a sound,
mimicking his own,
with a different pitch,
joyful he was,
so stopped and listen,
beautiful melody he was seeking.

But it was a tease,
fallacy of another species,
clever and copy whistle.
Realizing his mistake,
enraged as hope dashed,
he shrieked and squalled. 

The whistle thus stopped,
only silence remained,
in the evening shadow.
He took a deep breath,
and started refreshed,
his routine of singing.

The summers were hot,
sometimes rain too fell,
as he sat drenched.
The fruits get laden,
welcoming for a feast,
but unwavering, he keeps singing.

The wait was long,
desires so strong,
as he sat on his treasured tree,
he wondered, and pondered,
doubting his song,
why the song is not reaching...
his fair maiden.



Even today if you pass,
the big Mango tree
by the wall,
with the large pavement.....
You will still hear,
a beautiful melody,
a little lonesome and sad,
yet a proud.... Cuckoo's song.

iCity { Intelligent City }

Hello friends,
Its been a long time that I have written a blog. So, today I am going to write about a thought that just come to me, about creating intelligent cities (not in the line of PM smart cities).
Intelligent cities that are small, compact with only research centers and colleges. A planned city where social norms are not enforced i.e, no religion, politics or social gathering and customs.
A city which itself is a big company with its administration, management, and skilled working force (preferably young with experienced knowledgeable people).
iCity, in the sense that it is supposed to have all the amenities for proper maintenance of lifestyle, but most of the times and mind should be utilized in research of various vocations...be it IT, defense, Science and technologies, environmental issues, newer medical techs, robotics, AI, disaster management, and prevention, back up, or hiding place in case of any nuclear, chemical misadventure, also with protection of native flora and fauna. 
It should have no economic system with cards and its own local internet service. One can also have inter iCITY internet service, and other global internet service with gated system ie inflow is open but outflow being scrutinized for preventing secret tech leak.
Now, such cities should be place near sea/ocean, and mountains....it can help in research of climate change, marine life...also should be placed in lands that have no human presence or limited one, so easier to create the city from scratch.
The land need not to be fertile, as it will be a concrete/metal city in future, and it can also house country's secret defense researches.
Its not like, such plans and cities are not present right now, but they are under state/center govt. and affected by their policies and social restriction. What I want is a iCity developed purely for research purpose and with genuine devotion of time and mind for sole purpose of exploring the reach of human imagination and creativity and the result that may come being secondary.

know your true self.

I walk and walk,
being brisk and even slow,
there are a lot of thing,
to gain, to achieve,
after all...the world is a vast place.

being focused on work,
more so, to be rewarded,
competition, envy, complexes,
pushes us too far, too hard,
with no choice to look otherwise.

Options limited, or our outlook,
limited knowledge, or imagination,
or simply our own will,
being sheep to follow the lead,
that brings..our limited reality.

we scorn, we laugh,
we doubt, we fear,
the unconventional, with different views,
being stubborn,or conservative,
we loose the freedom of choices.

getting tired, or depressed,
and even loose  our sleep,
but being chained to monotonous lifestyle,
we ignore, these warning signs..
for we seek... economical and social stability.

but then....
a moment will come,
we will question our living,
regretting it all..as we go on..
to leave everything and run!!

don't get discouraged,
don't get burn,
just sit back and relax,
have some fun..

be it hobbies, 
or something to be passionate,
even for minutes or hours of our own,
listen to music, sing or dance,
read or write, or watch something,

there are vacations, 
play some game,
choices are many,
reward yourselves..
balance is needed...to establish harmony..

Just open your mind, accept everything of world.
feel the breeze,
watch the vast sky, 
day clouds or night stars,
get drenched in rain,
taste the droplet,
walk barefoot on sand or soil,
or climb the trees..
be close to nature,
listening the sound...
and meditate too..
.
..
...
to know your true self.....



 

I am not saying..

 




Hello friends....just for an update...I have completed my post graduation and now joined in a private hospital as senior resident. My hobbies are intact and I am able to make a balance between my professional and personal life. Just few thoughts for now....


I am content,
got what I wanted,
a good workspace and..
a stable life.

Yet, there are somethings...
that I keep missing,
not to speak up,
still me wishing.

friends being busy,
so am I,
but still part of me...
want old routines..

Time flies by,
but me not changing...
and I see them all..
moving ahead in their living!

anyway, I have my hobbies,
things to look forward to..
but their are experiences..
That I want too.....
but, I will not be the one saying.

Just my thoughts for now

I want to be free...
yet a bit of stings attached,
to be there or not,
from face and my heart.

I want to capture,
all my desires,
as the time passes on,
to relish those moments.

But there were responsibility,
for I need stability,
to attach to my roots,
along with my social duties.

I realised too late,
or my simple regrets,
to experience the universality,
out of pure self interest....

I can't say, only wait,
for my ideals, my goals,
though it pains...the void,
I can't let go of my stubbornness.

I dreamed big, lived in my own world,
unaware of passing tide,
and now, I feel the dread,
like a thin wire...that I tread.

Still, I would stand tall,
I won't deny my choice,
although with failed opportunities,
I also had some rays of hope.

Just my thoughts for now....As I stop.

Personalities

Hello friends, it's been a while....a long time since I have been online.

Sorry being busy in different work, also found some new hobbies too.

Still, some part of me do wants to write...a small one...what my mind thinks about various personalities;

Personalities.... Various faces...

to be known ....to be shown,

of smile n laughter,

of worry n concern,

joyous facade or superficial emotions,

mute protests or resigned eyes.

Feeling nervous...being conscious,

avoiding confrontation...quick retreat,

accepting answering without denial,

hiding truth with lying voice.

To be silent observer..

lost in deep thinking,

debating criticizing every thoughts,

as my tryst with philosophical world.

To be irresponsible... Impulsive,

with some embarrassing moves,

to laugh at and laugh with,

acting silly n childish.

Get scared,being afraid,

things to avoid ....

and divert the mind.

Escaping question,ignoring reactions ,

acts to be ashamed of....

Negative thoughts,

dark emotions,

hatred,jealousy and anger,

selfish desires,greed n lust,

to imagine, speak or act....

without the reign of conscience.

To be a leader,

righteous and idealistic,

with a bit of arrogance,

being stubborn..wanting perfection,

asking others to follow the path.

To be passionate,

seeker of companionship,

feel of togetherness,

part of some memory,

friendship n romance ,

to hold on to  something precious,

straight out of story books.

Remnant of innocence,

affluent with the daydreaming,

ignorant unconcerned of the life,

imagine create enjoy,

live in one's own world.

To be rational...be a liberal,

with an wide outlook,

a broader acceptance,

not stereotyping nor disregarding,

something to be good or bad.

Honestly....to be honest with,

wanting to change ,

opening myself to real life,

thing will change,

conclusion to be made,

and then the cycle repeat itself,

different place or perspectives,

but the me will be same,

for all faces..different personalities,

Those all being the same me!!

Solace in Solitude

A bit alone, aware and awake,
with open eyes and constant gaze,
to watch in silence near and far,

A gentle breeze grazes my cheek,
wind plays with my hair,
and I walk, looking on from afar !



People passes, so does the scenery,
so different, random and disorderly,
the crowd and the place, with so noise,
with no rhythm or regularity.
crossing by....it's so loud,
their laughter, cry and anger,
their love, envy and hatred,
unruly, pulling and pushing away !!

Joining them yet avoiding,
being there but not so....
simply watching, silently,
not with comments or opinion,
detached, within my own world,
in those serene lands,
in my tranquil life....
to find harmony with my soul.

To analyze, to decide,
the world not to blame,
nor temporary change in mood,
not some disorder of mind,
or  influence of words,
governing changes in my heart !!

Attached yet so unattached,
accepted but also endured,
this journey of my path,
build with my choices.....
responsibility of my selection,
opinions as I perceive,
and receiving the outcome,
smiling, with open arms...

So, don't resent,
or get irritated of my actions....
I might be a loner,
sometimes avoids being in group...
not responding to your feelings,
or showing the same emotions,
as I am like this.

Watching from afar,
to the vastness above and beyond,
the clouds in the limitless sky,
with sparkle in my eyes,
excited, fickle minded and childish...
moody and being selfish,
yet sometimes brooding,
serious with hing of melancholy,
sighing, deep in thought.....

I find Solace in Solitude.

Everyone is a Hero here...

Hello friends, 

Looks like I couldn't  frequently update my blog these days,  
Getting little busy after joining for my post graduation degree and not much new ideas come too..
there are a lot going on, different hobbies to take care of in free time...

Just thinking of some things, people, world, Reality in different perspective....so, penning out these things :)


Everyone is a Hero here,
each unique, a reality,
a past and a present,
a future to look forward to....
A story to tell,
path to follow,
with feelings, emotions,
desires and aspirations !!


different perspective,
different circumstance,
hardships and troubles,
frustrations and disappointment...
but with help and support,
or courage to overcome...the obstacles !!

They are no different,
like you or me,
with hopes and some wishes,
dreams to fulfil,
with own outlook and principle,
living for their reasons,
to influence or to follow,
or creating one's own space.

To be a nobody,
being hidden in a crowd
to disappear from everything,
concealed within their own wall,
or be a somebody,
adored and respected,
setting a stage,
creating a change !


To be happy, joycious...
or being hurt in pain,
being special yet so normal,
with the same emotions....
compassionate, thoughtful,
having all the virtue,
or the negativity coming,
in parts of heart with secret cravings !!

Its all the same,
yet feels so different,
each with a unique character
something special inside....
a life to live for,
as a protagonist,
with it's own viewpoint,
with it's own reality.

Looking out towards the world....
or opening up to the vast universe,
a small drop in the ocean,
a part of the wave,
with actions and their reactions,
from zero to infinity...
from nobody to everybody,

Yes........everyone is a Hero here !! :)

All or nothing

All or nothing,

I am on a mood swing,

nervous or excited........

expanding my thought's wings,

to do it all,

experiencing everything.....

or remain lazy,

and do nothing !

I was happy,

living in my world,

naive and unsure of things,

to leave or to hold.....

to believe in faith,

in my optimistic way....

reminisce of my past,

hope for the future,

and the present me......

running all the way !!

time flows as moments passes,

never to return back,

hurdles too as I stumble,

brooding for life that I lack ....

love and hatred,

envy or jealous,

desires not being fulfilled....

dreams and wishes,

thoughts or perception,

for things that I really need.

attachment and it's pain,

to detach from the feeling,

all that couldn't happen,

with impulses to do nothing....

greed not to be satisfied,

a thirst that can't be quenched,

but a minimum experience,

the feelings that I want......

of the reality I have,

and make the life worth living !!

All or nothing,

it don't work....

life needs sacrifices,

not everyone have all luck,

or the circumstances favorable....

all the thing that I said,

Nothing is same for all !!  :)

Just an observer

Hello friends, it's been a long time. I had been busy lately and also my other interests come in the way too.
So, I couldn't write any blogs lately,

I have recently joined PG course in Microbiology in theMedical college where I had done my UG, so all the paper works, counselling, resignation from my previous post of being a Medical officer in a Govt. Hospital, took a lot of time.

So, after all these hectic days, freeing my mind to think and write something was little difficult too. Anyway, let me start with a simple one today :)




I am a observer,
Just an observer after all....


Silent, transparent, standing,
from the world afar,
the moving universe,
the travelling time,
like a wind passing by,
or like a river flow,
and I being stranded.....
on the shore !!



They come and go,
some moments to spare,
somethings to share,
then moving away....
searching for their ways !

We laughed and talked,
and the silence followed,
being in touch as we say,
with hopes of coming days....
but, our lives on separate bays !

Days passed as new one came,
forgetting the past,eyes for the future,
new things to be remembered,
just the thoughts in our heart,
left behind on the memory lane !!

An observer that I became,
not to experience,
but to visualize,
from afar emotionless,
in those crowded ones !!


My feelings...my reality,
all within....deep inside,
not to speak, nor share,
not to be involved nor care,
just passing the moments I have.

Everything is on the surface,
like the sand on the seashore,
that the waves washing away...
leaving behind an empty floor,
creating new paths and write again !!!