Dark emotions

Hello friends, just trying to write a little darker emotions, hope I get it right. Here it goes;






Its so dark,
no light at the sight,
wandering clueless, panicked,
is there a path...
or am I simply lost,
in this infinite loop?

The strength failing,
tired of all the run,
some moments of respite,
a pause, a distraction,
flaring me a little,
and then comes..deep cold sensation.

a forced smile,
disappointed heart,
an undirected anger,
 a hopeless struggle,
false sense of security,
pride of being stubborn.

slowly the time passes,
chipping away little by little,
as the scars got old,
fresh cuts keep coming up,
hiding, treating, showing off....
unsure, clueless and given up!

Still....I stand,
on my uneasy path..
looking for the flowers,
ignoring the  thorn,
by surrendering to my fate,
hoping to reach life goals.

but then, it comes back..
like the waves of sea,
all the negativity and darkness,
immersing my heart,
taking away the light,
mocking, laughing at my stage.

No.....I won't back down,
I won't fall,
will hold my ideals,
till my last breath...
still I am scared,
might call for help.


So....if you are there,
exist for real,
like an illusion of my heart.
Then come....hold me up,
catch me as I fall,
for I might not last long.

listen to my conscious and subconscious self,
all those smothered screams,
accept, appreciate and encourage me,
be there when I need..
with all my fallacy, all my sins,
am I allowed to be selfish??

Then again...should I be?
expectations hurt,
dream get broken,
being laughed and made fun of,
am I embarrassed or fear of rejection,
to get passionately involved....only to let it go??